"Oh, bird squirt" and other things that crack me up

I'm easily amused. Well, that may not be entirely true - but I am definitely randomly amused. I will share a few key phrases that randomly amused me this week. I don't expect you to giggle...they are, in fact random:

"Oh, bird squirt!": overheard at the cubicle next to me. When I rolled my chair over to find out what type of Hitchcockian shenanigans were going on - the fella who yelled it out simply said, "If you've ever lived in a city, you know what that means." I beg to differ. I spent 36 months on an island that's just over 13 miles long by 2-ish miles wide - right along with 2 million other people. I ain't never heard "bird squirt" in my life. Methinks by "city" he means the backwoods of Arkansas.

"You dirtbag!": flung at me after I said some jackassed thing to a co-worker. She is the queen of slinging lingo from my junior high years. Dirtbag is just about the most perfect non-expletive expletive.

"I'm just a small-town guy with some math skills": one of my most favoritest Big Wigs said that after a meeting the other day when I congratulated him on his Big Wigginess.

"You are just so fuckin' weird sometimes.": a co-worker to me - after I explained my aversion to non-mechanical pencils and abhorrence of pens without caps

"Ding-ding outta make a come back.": CCB said that to me after I used the word "ding ding" (e.g. "He really needs to be kicked in the ding-ding"). Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years!

"Indigo, I don't want to hear another word about it...'" her Mamma says, "I'm not setting the table with my Sunday china for fifteen dolls who got their period today.'": this book I'm reading - Sassafrass, Cypress and Indigo. I dig this book.

"She wasn't particularly afraid of mice, but rats were more like snakes - snakes in bad fur coats": The other book I'm reading (there's upwards of 6 going at the same time right now) by my most favoritest Anne Lamott.

"Friggin' gnomes": okay, my favorite uttered words so far this week. A friend just got back from a week at the beach. He took this picture of this creepy little garden gnome that was just outside his bedroom window looking up at him. His comment, quite correctly, "friggin' gnomes."

Is there a moral to this story? Not really - except that when I'm grumpy and grouching and thinking that life is one big pain in the ass...well, it also makes me giggle quite a lot. As long as I listen.