Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Did I mention I work in a place where they wear uniforms? They are a pretty gruesome ensemble that was modeled after a 1960s gas station attendant uniform.

Some people choose to don the uni. Some of them, not all of them. And not me. Why? ‘Cause I am a horrible non-team player anti-establishment type. Plus the women’s pants have pleats and tapered legs. Sorry, but I have no fervent desire to revisit my 80s wardrobe. Once was enough.

And while many praise the pros of uniforms “no laundry” and “never have to figure out what to wear” – there are those of us who take the road less taken. Especially those who work in the offices, like moi. We opt to wear company logo’d t-shirts with khakis. Or if you’re a real outsider, like me, black pants and dress shirts.

Then there are the boarder people. I think they secretly want to wear the uniform, but fear their Office Weenies-at-arms will mock and cajole. They often opt for what I consider No Man’s Land – the Lab Coat.

No, I do not work in a laboratory. I do not work with test tubes, beakers or Bunsen burners. I am a hapless fool with the periodic table and you don’t want me poking around with a thermometer. This is one of the true mysteries of the Cube Farm – how in fuckity hell did someone decide that good office dweebs wear Lab Coats?

The Lab Coat offers the company logo on one breast and your name on the other (the spitting image of the gas station attendant’s shirt), has a couple of mammoth pockets that house office junk like paper clips, pens and used Kleenex. But my main beef with the Lab Coat is two-fold.

One – it serves no purpose. It is not as if I work in an environment where I need to keep chemical mixtures or blood from spattering all over my nice work clothes. And even if this were the case, I’d be more likely to borrow one of my Dad’s old dress shirts and put it on backwards ala 1^st grade art class.

Two – it’s false advertising in my opinion. Lab Coats are meant to be worn by scientists and doctors. And those fringe folks like pharmacists and veterinarians. It is not to be worn by Office Weenies who have very little to do with curing cancer or saving lives. Okay, let’s be honest – NOTHING to do with those things. How would you feel if the kid at the drive-thru at McDonald’s was wearing a hard hat. It serves no purpose and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to frame my house. So what’s the point? Don't get my hopes up and then dash them.

Maybe there is no point. Except to say – today one of my “road less taken” friends swung by my Cube and when I looked up prepared to be annoyed by a Smocky – I met his eyes and knew he was lost. Now he’s one of them and little by little I’m losing my merry band of corporate ninjas who battle the establishment and fight for freedom from The Uniform, The Lab Coat and The Man.

I shall not go gentle into that good night, my friends.