Of Mice and Men

I have, over the course of my life, acquired two fears. Neither of them is based on sound, reasonable logic. They are, in no particular order:

1. Mice
2. Men

I have no problem with mice when they are in little wire cages and running on a wheel. They are, in fact, a bit like men. If you know what they’re up to and when they’re gonna pounce, they aren’t too terrifying. This led me to wonder, what else do my two nemesis have in common?

1. They’re unpredictable. No telling when they’ll show their beady little eyes
2. They do, on occasion, hang out in your house uninvited
3. They make weird noises at night, conjuring visions of poltergeists and making one check under their bed for monsters
4. They look cute, but have been known to attack and leave you with life-threatening diseases that involve remedies including needles as long as your arm
5. Some of them would rather lurk about at home than get dressed up and go dancing
6. They leave messes for you to clean up
7. They think that chewing their fingernails and toenails is equivalent to a day at the spa
8. They do not utilize the toilet and quite possibly think you’re interested in checking out their doo-doo
9. Some don’t mind having millions of offspring, since they’re more about the breeding than the parenting
10. They make grown-ass women turn into a girly-girls of the highest order, instead of acting like rational, professional, educated women
11. They always seem to side-step the traps I carefully lay for them