My friend, MB, said he's a little tired of my cheerful holiday disposition and just when do I think I will turn back into my dark and twisty self?
It's hard to say, as I'm currently hanging out with my niece in Maryland and while she has the propensity to leave fingerprints all over my glasses and spit up cottage cheese on my favorite hooded sweatshirt - she's still about the sweetest thing on the planet and I pretty much smile all day when she's around.
Having said that - I'm not sure I actually want the pleasure of giving birth to a real live human child. Real live human children don't really get cool til about one year old. (okay, 18-years-old) All those freaks who "ooh" and "ahh" over little tiny wrinkly red babies need to find some good anti-psychotic drugs.
Even my sister, who is just the best mom on the planet, is the first one to admit that the entire reason kids are cute and learn how to smile is so you don't feel justified in drowing them. Natural selection nothing - giggling is the secret to the continuation of the human race.
Okay, with all of that - I'm just not sure I'd be a good mother to an infant. My dry sarcastic humor would be totally lost on a baby. My forgetfulness would surely end in the kid sitting in the ol' car carrier on the curb. And let's be honest - one more spin of Raffi in the cd player might turn me into the type of person they wrote the Safe Haven laws for.
Don't get me wrong - I love kids. Kids are very fun and cool and best enjoyed during the holidays, on short trips and never with my remote control hanging out of their mouths.
Unless they smile and then, well, I guess all is forgiven.
About Me
- WriterEm
- I'm someone who loves words. Whether they take form of a clothing catalog, billboard or a blog post. There is something magical about taking the same words that everyone else knows and putting them together in a way that no one else has.
4 comments:
Yeah, your niece is a piece of work a'right. The whole concept of "Mother's Love" that keeps women from drowning the kids at birth, also keeps the Human Race going untill the kids get cute and funny and they're on their own.
The first time my little peas smiled and giggled at me, I thought, "hey, someone thinks I'm funny!" I think it validates us as educators. First words - "hey, I can teach someone to speak." Before they are corrupted by the evils of the world, I am the funniest, most intelligent being in their universe. Of course, the day comes when they "know everything" and then you're back to square one, waiting for the next baby to come along. And yes, it does help that they are the cutest things on the planet.
I also meant to say, you think your niece is cute, you should see my granddaughter. We should post pictures.
Okay, the holidays are officially over, we are all back to work at our jobs and wondering what happened to all that time off we had. Do I foresee a return of the dark and twisty M in the near future? I'm guessing so, but if you need a baby fix to keep the light flickering I know where you can get a double dose every Tuesday. Cheers.
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