BRIDAL SHOWERS
And Chinese Water Torture.
Bridal showers were invented by older women who have already lived through their own weddings. Most of them hated every moment of it, as they were beset upon by their minions of relatives who were always ready to lend an opinion. BUT and it’s a big BUT, they have forgotten all this. They forgot what it was like as a younger woman to sit in a big circle of strangers and wrap each other in toilet paper wedding dresses. It has slipped their minds that they didn't care who bought the set of towels or the rattan ottoman. Who the eff does?
The bridal shower is really just a way to torture the bridal party with finger food (that they are trying to avoid just so they can fit into their recently sized dress) and to get lots and lots of free stuff for the bride.
Now, I'm not against free stuff. I LOVE free stuff. But this stuff ain’t free for me. In fact, being in a wedding costs a fortune. A gen-u-ine veritable fortune. (More on that later) It really would make more sense for bridal parties to consist of great-aunts and elderly neighbors, because they’re the ones with the extra cash squirreled away. Most of us who actually don the dress are struggling to make car and house payments, pay off student loans and save up for some plastic surgery, god willing.
But, as they say, life ain’t fair. Not even a little. So…
("So" is like "But" - pretty much everything before it is a waste of time because the truth is up next)
And Chinese Water Torture.
Bridal showers were invented by older women who have already lived through their own weddings. Most of them hated every moment of it, as they were beset upon by their minions of relatives who were always ready to lend an opinion. BUT and it’s a big BUT, they have forgotten all this. They forgot what it was like as a younger woman to sit in a big circle of strangers and wrap each other in toilet paper wedding dresses. It has slipped their minds that they didn't care who bought the set of towels or the rattan ottoman. Who the eff does?
The bridal shower is really just a way to torture the bridal party with finger food (that they are trying to avoid just so they can fit into their recently sized dress) and to get lots and lots of free stuff for the bride.
Now, I'm not against free stuff. I LOVE free stuff. But this stuff ain’t free for me. In fact, being in a wedding costs a fortune. A gen-u-ine veritable fortune. (More on that later) It really would make more sense for bridal parties to consist of great-aunts and elderly neighbors, because they’re the ones with the extra cash squirreled away. Most of us who actually don the dress are struggling to make car and house payments, pay off student loans and save up for some plastic surgery, god willing.
But, as they say, life ain’t fair. Not even a little. So…
("So" is like "But" - pretty much everything before it is a waste of time because the truth is up next)
So...suck it up cry baby. Sadly, there is nothing left to do. Take your lumps. Get to the registry early while there are still towels available. Spike the punch. Whatever it takes to muddle through and then do that which must be embedded in the 2nd X chromosome - make your friends do the very same when it's your turn up to bat.
Payback - there are a ton of you suckers on my list - just you wait....
1 comment:
Having been in a few weddings in my time I have to say that guys have it so much easier. We get together have a few drinks, make fun of the groom to be and maybe go to a club. The groomsmen get a gift for being there for their buddy and that's the end of it. Let's hear it for lowered expectations. :)
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